k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
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