That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
