I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
