i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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