Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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