I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
