he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
