i would punch a child for taco bell
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
