last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
