I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
