Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
