Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
