dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
It's blow job season.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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