He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
