shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
