dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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