So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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