People in love make me want to vomit
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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