I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
