bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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