so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
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