I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize