Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
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