I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
