And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
