You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
