May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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