Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Randomize
