just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
