One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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