sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Randomize
