This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
