i don't really know how much tequila is too much
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
