3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
