ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
