It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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