he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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