I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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