I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
