Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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