I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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