My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I want to make a zoo with you.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize