HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
