Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
