I need to stop coming to work sober
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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