She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
