Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
my being single is dangerous.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
