Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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