Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I need water and some morals
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
