Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
