i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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