I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
i now understand why vodka
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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