i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
