I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
