Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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