he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
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