I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
