Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
