I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
