Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
