I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
