3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
