2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
