just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
A bitchslap is in order.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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