If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
So many bounce houses so little time
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
