Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize