That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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