I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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