the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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