Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
