I love black thongs
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Alive.
So much puke
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
