Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
