yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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