I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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