what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Sext me about skeletons
Randomize
