that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
