A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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