I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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