I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
