You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize