if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
where are my eyebrows?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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