I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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