think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
