Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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